Hollywood’s Top 5 Scariest Educators and How to Dress Like Them for Halloween

Happy Halloween! In honor of this weekends festivities I’ve decided to rate the top 5 educators that I would never, ever want to be taught by. Seriously, I’d rather have Arnold Schwarzenegger from “Kindergarten Cop” lecture me on the importance of  fiber in the digestive system than learn from these people. I’d rather have Michelle Pfeiffer from “Dangerous Minds” rap out her own rendition of “Gangsta’s Paradise.” I’d rather…well, you get the picture.

Enjoy!

#5  Kitty Farmer, Donnie Darko

Don’t ever let this woman doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion. Her voice reaches pitch levels that I doubt even whales can hear. For her costume you’re gonna need to hit up the local Good Will, find the ugliest pair of mom-jeans, and if possible an 80’s cut wind breaker. Then, wearing that outfit, you’ll need to go out, drink like 8 margarita’s, and let the night take you. When you wake up the next morning your hair and make-up should be perfect.

#4  Severus Snape, Harry Potter

Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Head & Shoulders commercials; where ever this guy is, you don’t want to be. Unless you’re aligned with the Dark Lord or have been keeping up a secret identity where you may or may not be teetering the line of good and evil (I’m looking at you, Tom Cruise). Snape’s outfit is easy enough to copy, especially if you own a black sheet. The real trick will be finding a wig that gives off the “I haven’t showered in a month and I don’t care who knows it” look.

#3  Principle Snyder, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

If the person who had my job before me got eaten by hyena people, I might consider requesting a transfer. Not Snyder, who terrorized the halls of Sunnydale High until his own untimely death (eaten by a giant snake). A suit and tie is required for this one, plus one of those caps that make you look balding. Optional characterization: pretend to be Synder in the episode “Band Candy”.  Seeing him turn from a grown up sniveling control freak to a desperate teenage nerd was awesome!

#2  Ed Rooney, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Don’t ever get on the bad side of the Dead of Admissions. If they are anything like Mr. Rooney, they will hunt you down like a vicious ginger blood hound. When dressing up as Mr. Rooney a traditional suit and red wig will be fine, but make sure you practice that creeptastic I-probably-have-a-basement-full-of-kiddie-porn look he gets in his eyes when he thinks he’s finally nailed Bueller. Must-have costume accessory: wispy orange mustache to help sell the ‘pedophile’ look.

#1  Sue Sylvester, Glee

“I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.” – Sue Sylvester.

If Jane Lynch (who is 6 feet tall, by the way) came up to me and said that…I’d cry. Then I’d beg her to punch me in the face now instead of instilling in me the fear that one day she will find me and make good on her promise. Her outfit is pretty basic, but to make it extra special I’d add the pearl necklace she wore to classy up her red jump suit in the Funk episode. You know, the one where she sits in Breadsticks waiting for her “date” with Will. Seeing her in that necklace with that suit was priceless.

Here’s one of my favorite Sue quotes for the road: “You know, for me, trophies are like herpes. You try to get rid of them, but they keep coming. You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent.”

Terrifying.